The visit to the Doctor

So most of you know, but for those that dont. I have bipolar. Its not the extreme bipolar- I think I have the bipolar 1- but who cares which one. I dont like either one. So I went to my psychologist/psychiatrist/behaviorist- Whatever you want to call her. I go about once a month to check on meds and make sure they are doing ok. Well this time I waited a little longer, which was the wrong thing to do. Every time you go- you have to fill out a little questionaire- It asks you about anxiety and depression and makes you rate it. Well needless to say- my numbers doubled. Thats not a good thing. I told her I feel like I am losing it. I told her of some of the thoughts that go thru my head, the panic attacks- and the look on her face was like- uh oh! Then she told me- dont wait for 3 weeks- call right away. She then left the room to talk to the main Dr- I thought I was ok, and then I lost it. I couldnt stop crying. I was so scared to tell her those feelings, because i didnt want to end up in a mental hospital like i was 7 years ago.
When she came in the room, she was really nice. She told me that sometimes meds get immune to your body and then need adjusted. The problem is that they can only adjust them 50mg at a time. She said that my body prob needs about 200 to 300 mg to feel right and keep the mood stabilized. I am at 100- so now she upped it to 150. I call back in a week, and take another questionaire, and then they bump it up again. Ugh- I dont know if I can wait that long. I am miserable now...GRRR - So I am bummed that the meds are up once again. I hope one day i can ween myself off of them completely. I dont want to take meds all my life.