Does anyone understand?

I havent really posted anything in the last 3 days is because- well- there hasnt been any change. I am still feeling awful. I am so tired of being depressed. I did finally call my dr back a day early and told her I really need something now, because what they are giving me is still not working. She talked with the director, and he wants to put me on another mood stabilizer. What the heck? I dont want to take 2 different meds. I barely like to take the one I am on. It just means its going to be harder to ween myself off of 2 meds. Sometimes I wonder if I should just quit the one I am on cold turkey. Honestly I dont think it does any good, considering everyone that I talk to tells me I am either a mess, or a grouch. Or people say- I want the old Stephanie back? You know what- the old Stephanie is the same now as she was 15 yrs ago- So I dont know what they are talking about? I am so sorry that I am sad all the time, or cover it up with anger because i dont want to show that emotion. Do you seriously think I want to be this way? Just try a day in my shoes- you would have wished you were never born. I am tired of not sleeping, im tired of crying, I am tired of my mind going faster than I can put it together. Does anyone get it? Does anyone understand? UGH