Another day of misery.

I feel like I have a ton of bricks on my heart tonight. My mind is going so fast that I cant even process the thoughts- even though I guess I have never been able to process them. My concentration at work was awful today. My anxiety is thru the roof. I feel so alone right now. I need more people in my life. I need people there, people to love me, and people to show me the way. I cry out to God and ask Him to please invade me and make my thoughts his thoughts. I just want to feel like I am being held in Gods hands, but instead I feel like satan is pushing a pitchfork right thru my heart. I am miserable. I know there are steps to take to get thru all of this, but I want to take leaps. I want it now. I have started with forgiveness, but I dont feel like I am getting anywhere. I am going round and round the circle. I just want to be held, held, held. I want someone to love me for who I am. I dont want to be a hopeless broken record.I have no motivation to push thru this. I need to be pushed thru this hell. HELP