Ok- so I made it to California. I dont want to ever take that road trip again. I hate road trips! I love Ashley to death for going with me- because without her I would have never taken the trip. I truly apologize to Ashley for having to put up with me. I was really fighting battles in my head the whole way there. Every part of me wanted to shut down, and was shutting down. Ashley prob never wants to ever take another trip with me- EVER.
So the trip started out with Ashley and I going to Panera. When we came out to the car there was a huge and I mean huge beetle on the floor. Ashley tried to get it, but it escaped under the seat. We both had the heebe jeebes! So about an hour later, Ashley moved her purse, and the beetle was crawling on her leg! EWWWW- Well thankfully we let him out and we were on our way.
The first night we stayed with Ashley's friend Katy Joy. I am very thankful that we had a place to stay for a night because it really saves money. The next night we were soooo tired, and decided to stop at a Motel 6. Can I just say- SICK! The floors were wood floors and they were not clean. The lamps didnt work by the bed, and Ashley found a bug in her bed. Needless to say- We didnt really sleep- which did not make for a good road trip. So we were on our way again. Our plan was to try to go as long as we could till we got to CA- but about 9 ish- I couldnt take it anymore- I didnt care where we stopped- but I was tired and ready to be done! We stopped in Nevada at a Days Inn- It was soooooo nice and we slept like babies! We then had 8 hrs to go! I had horrible stomach pains all the way there. I dont know if it was gas, stress, or what. I could not get relief.
We made it to California about 7 at night. I was so overwhelemed instead of excited. I couldnt process- All I wanted to do was cry. I then left to go to my new place and new roommates. I got there- and met my 4 roommates- They are really nice and very supportive. I took a shower, and then went to my room and cried the rest of the night. The next day I looked for jobs, and have been ever since. I swear that everytime that I am alone I cry cry cry. Just when I dont think that I have anymore to cry- then I lose it once again. I want to pack my bags and just go back home. I know this isnt the right thing to do, but man I just cant seem to be happy. I hope that it gets better. So I will keep everyone posted- but for now- I just better stop cause I am not exactly in the right mind!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Just my luck!
So I think my luck is going downhill. I took my car in last week to get my rim replaced because I bent it awhile ago hitting a lovely pothole. So I finally got that fixed hoping it would take away the low pressure air light in my car. The next day I took it to my dealership to get my car looked at because the clock went out and also my steering wheel was making noise. They checked it out and said that the 2 things were under warranty. The good thing is that he only charged me half of what they said they were going to charge me! I guess God was looking out for my finances! But then he said my tire pressure light is on. They checked it out and said that I had a hole in my tire! Well isnt that special! I was just at the tire place yesterday- and they just left it like that! So I left there and took my car in and told them that they just replaced the rim yesterday, and the same tire has a hole in it. I was not happy. They looked in there inventory and said- I am sorry we dont carry a tire in that size! SPLENDID! So I had to drive all the way to South Bend to get the tire replaced. Thank God I bought the warranty on the tire. The only good news that came out of this was that I got to hang out with Chasity and Jerry. And I also got to meet Elizabeth (my next possible roommate). When I was with Elizabeth we took a long walk on the East Race. I love to walk- but the next day my muscles were sore. It has been about 4 days since then, and now I have this really horrific pain in my pelvic bone. I dont know if I pulled a muscle or popped a joint. All I know is it takes my breath away if i move the wrong way. So now I get to go to the doctor again and get a possible xray! Why is it when I get ready to go out of town or move that all of the sudden things go downhill? GGRRRRRR
So I am waiting for parts to come in for the car, and waiting to go to the doctor in a few hours! YAY ME!!!! Do you sense the sarcasm?
So I am waiting for parts to come in for the car, and waiting to go to the doctor in a few hours! YAY ME!!!! Do you sense the sarcasm?
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Thank you Jesus!!!!!!!!
Jesus is so good to me! Sometimes I think He is like- Stephanie let me show you what I can do if you just trust me! I have definatley been blessed this week! I recieved 2 calls about housing! YAY! I am going to live with 4 other girls in a house for a month! Then I will go from there about what to do next! But at least I know where I am going! I also got an email about a job. I am going to call them for an interview once I get there! My dad had surgery on his heart yesterday, and he came home today! Thank you Jesus!!!! So needless to say- I have had a mostly good week! All it took was just a little bit of faith that things were going to be ok! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!
Saturday, July 11, 2009
12 days left until I leave for CA
Oh what I would give for just a few hours of peace.
Well, I have 12 days left until I leave for CA. I have so many mixed emotions. I am not going to lie- my negatives outweigh my positives. I just keep telling myself God is in control. If I say this enough, just maybe one day I will finally believe it. I am getting a little worried, because I still dont have a place to live. The people that I have talked to emailed me and said that they found roommates. I am also worried about finances and how I am going to afford all of this? I just pray that I find a good paying job, but when I look on job sites online- the pay rate doesnt look so promising. I just wish that I could trust God with everything. I know that doubt, fear, worry, and unbelief are not of God- but how the heck do I get them out of my head? PRAY PRAY PRAY- I really am trying- but I just cant get the negativity and unbelief out of my head. I just dont understand how God is so big, and mighty to do all of this for me.....Please God help me to trust you with every single part of me. I declare that I am going to be a free woman. I pray that the enemy has no part of me and my mind! please please please help me!
Well, I have 12 days left until I leave for CA. I have so many mixed emotions. I am not going to lie- my negatives outweigh my positives. I just keep telling myself God is in control. If I say this enough, just maybe one day I will finally believe it. I am getting a little worried, because I still dont have a place to live. The people that I have talked to emailed me and said that they found roommates. I am also worried about finances and how I am going to afford all of this? I just pray that I find a good paying job, but when I look on job sites online- the pay rate doesnt look so promising. I just wish that I could trust God with everything. I know that doubt, fear, worry, and unbelief are not of God- but how the heck do I get them out of my head? PRAY PRAY PRAY- I really am trying- but I just cant get the negativity and unbelief out of my head. I just dont understand how God is so big, and mighty to do all of this for me.....Please God help me to trust you with every single part of me. I declare that I am going to be a free woman. I pray that the enemy has no part of me and my mind! please please please help me!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Relief!!!
Its been a few days since I wrote. I just want to say thank you for all those that have been praying for me. God does answer prayers! I am a definatley calmer this week than last week. My mind is at a point where I can process things one at a time; which is a plus! I only have 17 days left until I leave for CA. I was going thru some more of my stuff, and getting rid of stuff! WOW reality is really starting to hit. I need to visit with my friends that live here, and I need to spend time with my family! AHH Its a good thing, not a negative thing. Is this really coming out of my mouth? God is starting to give me a little peace about certain things! If you could all just keep me in your prayers about finding a place to live, and a job- that would be amazing! I am still having trouble really trusting God without doubt and fear. But I am on the right path. I just keep telling myself, no matter how much I doubt it- GOD IS IN CONTROL!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Compliments, positives, and recieving them....
Last night at work we had a group. Everyone takes a piece of paper. Then you write one positive thing about your self on it and sign your name. You then keep passing the paper around the room, and everyone else puts positive things about you, but they dont sign there name. When you get all the way around the room, you end up with yours. You have to pick 2 that really stand out to you. I got mine back and was like- I dont really believe any of them. Here are the positives that people put-
1. I love how detailed you are and how you jumo into help everyone out without asking
2. You are a bright loveable person
3. You are such a calm person and I love your faith
4. I love your laugh
5. You have charisma
6. You are a great person in general
7. You are a great person and have too much to offer
8. You believe so strongly in your faith and you believe in us here. It helps me to continue forward.
9. You are very truthfull and helpful and nice to me, You are a good person to talk to.
10. I appreciate you always waling on the unit with BIG smile
11. I love how you are funny and outgoing, and how you are willing to help people when they are down.
12. You make me laugh and I can really trust you
13. You are humorous and I think everyone needs a little of that in their life. I really like that about you.
14. You are intelligent
15. You are very safisticated and you are hilarious
Here is an emotional gift that a girl gave me last night because she was leaving!
Stephanie I give you the gift of a cross. I want you to paint the cross with all the beautiful colors of your life.
Why cant I recieve any of this. I looke at each on and am like- WHAT! It makes me want to take a big read marker over it and put LIAR. I have believed every negative thing that comes my way, that I cannot believe any of this. Whats wrong with me?
1. I love how detailed you are and how you jumo into help everyone out without asking
2. You are a bright loveable person
3. You are such a calm person and I love your faith
4. I love your laugh
5. You have charisma
6. You are a great person in general
7. You are a great person and have too much to offer
8. You believe so strongly in your faith and you believe in us here. It helps me to continue forward.
9. You are very truthfull and helpful and nice to me, You are a good person to talk to.
10. I appreciate you always waling on the unit with BIG smile
11. I love how you are funny and outgoing, and how you are willing to help people when they are down.
12. You make me laugh and I can really trust you
13. You are humorous and I think everyone needs a little of that in their life. I really like that about you.
14. You are intelligent
15. You are very safisticated and you are hilarious
Here is an emotional gift that a girl gave me last night because she was leaving!
Stephanie I give you the gift of a cross. I want you to paint the cross with all the beautiful colors of your life.
Why cant I recieve any of this. I looke at each on and am like- WHAT! It makes me want to take a big read marker over it and put LIAR. I have believed every negative thing that comes my way, that I cannot believe any of this. Whats wrong with me?
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Inspiration
A friend sent me this article- Wow I totally needed this! Good words!
What You Need to Know About Being Bold and Fearless - NEW!by Joyce Meyer
Bold: to be brave, daring, courageous, intrepid, valiant. God is calling us to be bold. If you have the tendency to not take chances in life because you’re afraid of making mistakes, God wants you to know He’s pleased with you when you try. It doesn’t matter if you don’t do everything exactly right. What matters is that you step out in faith, believing God will help you! Second Timothy 1:7 says that God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power—and He wants us to use it! It doesn’t take courage to do what we already know we can do. True courage is displayed when you’re afraid to do something but you go ahead and do it anyway. The truth is, we don’t ever have to fear because we can ask God for His help anytime we need it. Taking the Focus Off of Performance There are so many people who are so afraid of making a mistake that they don’t do anything. Instead, they sit around saying, “What if I’m wrong?” Well, we’re human. We’re going to make mistakes and look silly from time to time. We can be so afraid of being judged or criticized or getting laughed at. But the only thing fear does in our lives is stop our progress. What matters to God is relationship…not performance. God knows we aren’t perfect, and He’s totally okay with it. The problem is, the devil knows it too, and he does his best to tell us every step of the way! We can be going along, serving God, doing good, stepping out in faith and then all of a sudden, without there being any justification for it, we’ll have a day or week when we have an attack on our mind about fear. That’s when we need to say what God’s Word tells us: The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. — 2 Corinthians 10:4,5 NIV Honesty Outweighs Perfection We can care too much about what people think of us to the point where it totally immobilizes us and we are petrified about looking wrong. But do you know what? I think if we are more truthful, we will actually get more respect than we do by trying to hide everything, pretending we’re perfect. I believe one of the main reasons people like to listen to me is that I tell all my junk. It helps them to relax, to relate to me, and offers them hope that if I can do some of the things I’ve done and make it, so can they. We need to stop living in fear of making mistakes, because we will make mistakes—period. God is not asking us to not make any mistakes. He’s calling us to be bold—fearless in approaching Him, in stepping out in faith, and in trusting Him to lead us.
What You Need to Know About Being Bold and Fearless - NEW!by Joyce Meyer
Bold: to be brave, daring, courageous, intrepid, valiant. God is calling us to be bold. If you have the tendency to not take chances in life because you’re afraid of making mistakes, God wants you to know He’s pleased with you when you try. It doesn’t matter if you don’t do everything exactly right. What matters is that you step out in faith, believing God will help you! Second Timothy 1:7 says that God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power—and He wants us to use it! It doesn’t take courage to do what we already know we can do. True courage is displayed when you’re afraid to do something but you go ahead and do it anyway. The truth is, we don’t ever have to fear because we can ask God for His help anytime we need it. Taking the Focus Off of Performance There are so many people who are so afraid of making a mistake that they don’t do anything. Instead, they sit around saying, “What if I’m wrong?” Well, we’re human. We’re going to make mistakes and look silly from time to time. We can be so afraid of being judged or criticized or getting laughed at. But the only thing fear does in our lives is stop our progress. What matters to God is relationship…not performance. God knows we aren’t perfect, and He’s totally okay with it. The problem is, the devil knows it too, and he does his best to tell us every step of the way! We can be going along, serving God, doing good, stepping out in faith and then all of a sudden, without there being any justification for it, we’ll have a day or week when we have an attack on our mind about fear. That’s when we need to say what God’s Word tells us: The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. — 2 Corinthians 10:4,5 NIV Honesty Outweighs Perfection We can care too much about what people think of us to the point where it totally immobilizes us and we are petrified about looking wrong. But do you know what? I think if we are more truthful, we will actually get more respect than we do by trying to hide everything, pretending we’re perfect. I believe one of the main reasons people like to listen to me is that I tell all my junk. It helps them to relax, to relate to me, and offers them hope that if I can do some of the things I’ve done and make it, so can they. We need to stop living in fear of making mistakes, because we will make mistakes—period. God is not asking us to not make any mistakes. He’s calling us to be bold—fearless in approaching Him, in stepping out in faith, and in trusting Him to lead us.
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